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Post by Livia♥Jared on Nov 1, 2010 23:20:09 GMT -5
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Post by Livia♥Jared on Nov 1, 2010 23:21:13 GMT -5
C.h.a.p.t.e.r. 1
 
The girl sighed subtly and pushed her long straight hair behind her shoulder. She felt them fall on her back lightly and without thinking she crossed her legs. The guy in front of her seemed lost in his thoughts, and although he did hear the sound of her breath coming out, and from her hair falling on her back, he didn't even blink and kept staring at the window.
"Will you tell me what's wrong, Edward?" she finally asked, staring at him.
He remained motionless still, except for this imperceptible move from his right eyelid. Knowing that she now had his attention, she kept going.
"Unlike you, I can't read minds, so the only way to communicate from you to me, is talking."
Edward wanted to be annoyed, but he couldn't. He focused his attention on his best friend and noticed her long dark hair had been tied in a ponytail. He didn't remember her doing so... perhaps he was too absorbed in his own thoughts. Her light eyes flashed an unusual green. Unlike most vampires, she had not inherited of the golden shade the rest of them had, except when she had just been feeding. She was laying her tiny body on the back of the couch and Edward smiled. They were all used to act like humans, but she was the best at it, although she hated everything about her human life. It seemed like she was hanging herself to something that she wanted to escape in first place. Edward would never understand, and he never dared to ask. Surely, she was not as strong, or as quick as he was, but she was impulsive and showed her fangs easily.
"Nothing's wrong, Livia." he finally expressed.
"Yea, right." she snickered. "I may just want to use my power on you!"
She only used this threat when she knew she wasn't getting anything from him, but she'd never dare to try. She had promised Carlisle to restrain herself from using it on any member of the family, or when it was not really needed. This time fit both descriptions, and she knew it. And so did he.
Edward only smiled to her, being totally aware of his power on her. For everyone, they were together, but Edward knew something was missing. When he lay his eyes on Livia, a lot of feelings invaded him, but nothing seemed to convince him she was his second half ; his soulmate. After so many years, Livia had not filled that empty space the way a soulmate should have, like some piece of an invisible puzzle was still hiding somewhere... and he knew she didn't have this piece in hands.
He didn't know the whole story about her human life, she kept some parts of it secret and would leave the room when anyone would wonder about it. Edward only knew the basics, and although they were intimately committed, she never opened up about it. Edward never pushed it, hoping the decades would help the confidences. He respected her for what he knew she had gone through. All of them had hard pasts, and he could never force any of them to reveal what they didn't want to. In this case, he even restrained himself from reading their thoughts.
"I know you won't do it." he teased.
Her lips move to send a bitter remark but she pressed them together quickly. He could read her mind, he was not lying. With a loud sigh -bringing a smirk to Edward's amused face- she got up and put herself in front of him. With a daring expression, she took his hand and stared into her eyes. She never dared to kiss him anymore ; she knew he never wanted to, and she didn't have to read his mind to be aware there was no attraction on his side. Perhaps they were still together because everyone else around them had found their second half, or maybe because half-being with Edward was better than not being with him at all.
"You are my best friend." she whispered.
Edward slid his arms around her, bringing her into a friendly hug. She wanted to cry at the way he touched her, sweet but lacking the kind of love she wished he felt.
"You're my best friend, too."
Her heart shattered, and it surprised her. She knew he wouldn't tell her he loved her, but it seemed like a part of herself expected it anyway. That part of her that kept her alive for so long, that made being inhuman worth it.
"I'm going to hang out with Alice." she informed, getting herself out of his embrace.
He didn't have time to say anything back, she was already gone. Relieved, Edward stopped moving once again, losing himself in his thoughts. The night was already back when he found himself alone, and the moon was full. The light emanating from it entered the window and Edward felt it on his skin ; it smelled like a mix of cocoa and something he couldn't define.
Somehow, Edward knew he had to tell Livia about their twisted relation. He didn't want to hurt her, but he couldn't let her pass next to someone who would truly complete her ; he couldn't keep her from her own piece of puzzle. He knew it would hurt her, and this time, he couldn't play the role of the best friend, since he'd be the cause of her tears. He didn't want to warn anyone else about it, feeling it would be a betrayal. If anyone had the right to know first he wanted to change his relationship with Livia, it was her. She deserved to know first, it was only fair.
He kept the time he'd tell her vague, so even Alice wouldn't be sure about it. It had to be done, and although it broke his heart, he knew that in the end, it was the only solution. |
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Post by Livia♥Jared on Nov 1, 2010 23:21:48 GMT -5
C.h.a.p.t.e.r. 2
She had lied. She was not going to spend time with Alice. Not because she didn't like it, but because the need to be by herself had grown inside her chest, like it was unbearable to be around anyone. Livia was sitting in her room, happy that the encounter with Edward -which she should have enjoyed- was over. But something seemed to be missing. A hole inside her stomach, a part of her heart broken... it was not right. She didn't need to read minds like Edward did, she knew it was almost over between them. With the decades, Livia could read Edward like herself... maybe even better. It was the way he moved his pupils, the way he curled his lips, the signs he did with his hands... his body language, although very hard to catch a glance at, told Livia many things about him. It was the thing she preferred to do between all ; look at Edward's movements every second of every day.
She had lied about something else, as long as not telling something meant a dishonesty. She had been true to herself, but she had only told Edward he was her best friend -which he is-, but the feelings invading her when he was near could be qualified by no other word than love. It was obvious, it was real, it was a fact. And never before, in her vampire life, something had affected her so much. She knew he didn't want to hear about the love she felt for him, because he couldn't return this feeling back at her. She knew he was torn between hurting her, or keep on lying to her. None of the two options were most likely interesting to him, but he had to chose, and knowing Edward, Livia knew he was going to break up with her, for her own good.
She slid her hand slowly on her bed sheets and smiled. When she had asked for it on her first birthday with the Cullens', everyone remained speechless. Sure, she didn't need sleep, and she didn't feel any kind of pain from standing up for days, but she wanted it, more than anything else. Emmet had tried to convince her into asking for a new car, and she knew Alice would have preferred to buy her expensive clothes, but she wished inside to get the only thing she had asked for.
The bed was small, with a pink cover, and every time she ran her hand on the soft fabric, memories from her human life came back to her. Those thoughts, although painful and blurry, were the most precious things she had. She shut her eyes tight and took a big breath -although unnecessary-, as voices started talking inside her head.
"I don't want you to ever die!" she heard.
"Everyone dies, someday." she recognized her own voice.
She could never have been more wrong. Livia would never die, and every single day, she wished she would. When she met Edward, he quickly eased half the pain she felt inside of her, from her head to her toes. They say nothing lasts forever, and there was the proof. Edward didn't love her anymore - did he even do, at some point?
She sighed in annoyance, and let herself fall on her back, feeling the softness of the sheets brush her skin, and the intense smell of fresh washed clothes enter her nostrils. She wanted to cry, to scream, to let herself hit the floor and sob, but instead, she remained motionless, her hands under her head as she watched the ceiling.
Footsteps told her someone was getting closer, but she didn't move, and waited for the soft knock to be heard on the wood door.
"Come in, Rosalie." she barely whispered.
"Are you okay?"
Compassion and empathy could be heard threw Rosalie's voice. Everyday, she'd come to check on Livia at the same time. It became a routine, and Livia appreciated every second passed with Rose. It seemed like they would understand each other in a complicated way neither of them seemed to understand. Something created this bond between them, like both their pain could be linked somehow. It was scary, sad, but also comforting.
Like Edward, Rosalie was not completely aware of Livia's past, but she didn't have to ; she felt it. And Livia was sure of one thing ; if she ever had to confide in someone, it would be to the gorgeous blond standing in front of her, without a doubt.
"I feel like a bomb is attached to my heart." Livia admitted. "I wish it would explode already."
Rosalie smiled sadly and sat in front of her friend.
"Even if it would, you'd still be here afterward."
Livia couldn't help but let out a short laugh at Rosalie's words, bring a smile on the pretty girl's lips. It was sad, but she was right.
"There's one more problem haunting you, is there?"
Rosalie was frowning, making her beautiful facial traits more serious. She didn't look worse, in fact, it made her look fantastic, like some model waiting for someone to snap a picture.
"Edward." Livia sighed.
If it was possible, tears would have fell down her cheeks at this exact moment, helping the pain out of her body, but it didn't and she closed her eyes once more as they turned dry. When she opened them again, she stared at her hands and pressed her lips together as hard as she could. They were not shaking, the way they used to. Although Livia had never controlled her body better than she did as a vampire, she felt like she had no power over her own self, and it made anger fill her completely.
"Calm down." Rosalie said. "It'll be alright."
She put a comforting hand on Livia's shoulder and the lukewarmness took the bad sensations away.
"I just don't have anything to hang on to, Rose."
And it was true. If she didn't have Edward as a lover anymore, there was no reason for her to stay, there was no reason for her to still be on earth... there was no reason to keep up with the pain, and the half-life she had inherited of. If Edward didn't love her anymore, she didn't have any purpose. +im not sure bout this chapter. is it bad? cuz i doubt its good. yea.
+thanks sooo much Jessie & Julie for reading this, ILY! and plz, be honest! i can take it <33 |
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Post by Livia♥Jared on Nov 1, 2010 23:22:14 GMT -5
C.h.a.p.t.e.r. 3
He was near, she knew it. He was standing exactly two rooms away. She heard him blink two or three times in the past hours. She wanted to go talk to him, she wanted to sort this out with him, but she knew he didn't feel like it, or he would have knocked at her door a while ago, perceiving all her thoughts about him.
Livia had lay on her bed all night long, and a glimpse of light -not bright sun, because it would rarely come out on this part of the world- had now appeared through the windows. The stars were now hidden by fake daylight, and large clouds covered the gray sky. It was a new day that seemed very similar to all the others ; Livia had lost count on them. She barely lived 20 years as a human, and four times more as a creature she didn't even know existed before.
She made herself focus on Edward, which was slightly less painful than handling the demons of her past invading her head. Edward had always easily blurred the images with his only presence, and now she had nothing to hang onto. She knew he'd always be her best friend, and that she'd always be his, but somehow, she knew it wasn't enough. When you have the eternity, you hope to spend it with your other half, the one who completes you. You want to be by the side of someone who will love you forever, and never let go, for the simple reason it's easier to walk through your destiny with someone holding your hand, making you feel secure about who you are, and why you're still alive.
Edward would find his soulmate somehow, and not only would Livia have to watch the love of her life give his heart to an other girl, but she'd also have to face the rejection, and the loneliness coming along with it, like a package deal you need to develop all together.
Once again, the clear visions of her human life came to haunt her, showing smiling faces and happy persons in spasmodic images, like a stroboscope has been put inside her head. It was too hard to handle anymore and she quickly stood on her feet. Before she could ever think of anything, she was running outside the house as quick as she could, entering the forest far from the track and climbing in a tree some seconds later.
"Livia..." she heard Edward's voice in a whisper.
It didn't change her direction, and she only stopped at the top, her hand gripping firmly the trunk and the toes of one foot gracefully in balance on a branch. Leaves were surrounding her face as she stared at the magnificence of the sight in front of her. Her body started to shake slightly ; she was sobbing, she knew it. She wished she could at least share a tear in memory of what she had lost, and for what was coming next, but it was impossible, making her want to cry even more without any success, bringing her in a vicious circle. She couldn't understand how a dead heart could shatter, and it made anger run through her, filling her mind. Unfortunately, she knew that if love was possible for a creature like her, any other kind of emotions -good or bad- were also able to come alive inside of her.
Although she knew she needed it, she didn't want to feed. The smell of a mountain lion exactly fifty meters away reached her nostril, sending shocks to her brain, but she pushed it aside, in an other part of her thoughts, somewhere almost unreachable, as the hurting sensation stayed on the surface. She had an other kind of confrontation to live, she had an other battle to fight, one that she knew she would actually lose.
Getting back out of the forest as quick as she arrived, she easily reached the Cullen's. She knew Edward was there, his perfect-self standing up close to the door, blocking the access to the house. She slowed down her pace before to stop herself far from him, but in a spot where he could easily see her.
She didn't want to make it harder for him to leave her ; one of them hurting seemed enough. Still, she waited for him to start the conversation first, words stuck in her throat. He knew it and sighed to get courage.
"Livia."
The way he pronounced her name gave her nausea. Why did his voice have to be so soft, wrapping around her like a warm blanket? She felt at ease, although she knew her heart would be beating hard in her chest and on her temples, if it was possible. Her body didn't react, but she knew, after so many years of experiences, that she was extremely nervous as she waited for Edward's words.
He took a step forward but she stopped him with a rough hand movement. She surprised herself and she frowned.
"No, I stopped by myself." Edward answered her unasked question.
She licked her lips, half-furious that he read her mind, and half-happy she hadn't used her power without wanting to, proof that she was still in control of herself. She let her arm fall back down on her side, and stared into her boyfriend's eyes. He was gorgeous, it was clear evidence, but more than that, Livia knew him, and his beautiful features clearly reflected his heart qualities. It was driving her insane.
"You're here to break-up with me. Do it." she expressed.
It was not so much of an order, but more like an evidence. She wanted to get over it already, and get away from Edward and his perfectness. She would never admit to it, but if she didn't have so much pride, she'd beg him to make this moment short. It wouldn't hurt less, but at least, she wouldn't have to stare at him, stand so close to him, smell his perfume and try to survive from all the love trying to drown her.
"It's not as easy as that, Livia." he tried to explain.
He was surprised she actually mentioned it so blatantly, but he didn't let it show.
"Yes it is." she argued calmly, although she was boiling inside. "You don't love me. End of this conversation."
"I do love you!" he protested, sending a rush of hope inside Livia. "Just in a different way."
She was ready to explode. One more word like this, and she'd jump on him and try to bite every single part of his hard-like-a-rock body. One more wrong hope, and adrenaline could help her fight with him for weeks without a break. She hated him as much as she loved him, as they both stood in front of each other.
"You will find your other half, Livia." he continued. "But it's not me."
She took a big breath, pressing her lips together as pain and anger were fighting to come out of all the cavities of her body. She remained silent anyway, knowing the words that were ready to jump out of her throat would be some she'd end up regretting later.
"You'll always be my best friend, and you're a part of my family." he professed. "This will never change."
One second, she looked away, and Edward used this time to walk up to her, grabbing her hand in the process. She felt the rage leave immediately every part of her, and she looked up into his eyes. If they could be weak, her knees wouldn't have supported her, but she remained motionless, her hand still in Edward's. As long as he'd keep contact with her skin, she wouldn't move.
He pulled her closer in a hug and she closed her eyes, inhaling his scent to keep it fresh in her memory. She knew she wouldn't feel so close to him for a while, and she was ready to pile up as many memories from him her brain could support. |
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Post by Livia♥Jared on Nov 1, 2010 23:22:29 GMT -5
C.h.a.p.t.e.r. 4
  
Days passed like weeks, and weeks like months. If she could, Livia would spend all her time sleeping. That's what she spent the last year of her human life doing, and she hated not being able to do it again, now that she was transformed into a vampire. She was falling into a depression, seeing the dark side of her coming back to life, like it had only been sleeping all those years. The memories seemed fresh, more than they used to be when she was with Edward. If there was one thing that didn't change from her past life, it was the wounds still open and painful. They followed her in what she liked to call her half-life. If anyone would ask her, she would have rather died on that rainy day. If anyone knew her story, she'd tell them that as much as she loved him for saving her, she also despised him for the same reason. His chivalry was purely selfish even if it reflected love on the surface.
"Why did you do that?" he had cried over her motionless body. "You shouldn't have."
She had moved her little finger in a very subtle movement, but he had noticed. And he had made the most irreparable mistake of his life, because as soon as she was transformed, she left him. She left to find a reason, to discover why her wishes hadn't been fulfilled. She left because in her will to die, he had given her a new life instead. He had gifted her with eternity to think over her loss, too many years to watch over and over in her head the horror she had been the witness of.
"Livia, we're going to be late for school." she heard someone downstairs inform.
She smiled at this impossible thought, getting up from her bed and walking quickly downstairs. Emmett, Jasper, Alice and Rosalie were standing there, next to the door, waiting for her. She didn't even notice the absence of Edward ; she had not talked to him for days, maybe weeks, she lost track of time.
"Edward has left already." Rosalie mentioned.
Livia sent her a surprised look, just noticing he was not with them.
"He didn't want to make you feel worse." Alice felt the need to explain. "He thought you'd feel better if he was..."
"It's alright, Alice." Livia cut her straight.
Her tone had been sweet, although her words clearly expressed her will to skip this conversation. An immense satisfaction invaded her insides, making her suddenly feel at ease, like she was falling into some sort of happiness hole. In a way, she wanted to let it cover her, and for a moment, she remained still, taking a big breath she didn't need, just to feel somewhat alive. After a second, she turned to Jasper and stared in his eyes, feeling the happy sensation leave quickly.
"Thanks, but it's something I want to get over by myself." she sadly smiled.
Jasper only nodded, unsure of her reasons, but accepting it anyway. Alice laid her heard against his chest and he surrounded her tiny frame with his arms. Livia looked at them, feeling an intense jealousy she was not aware could come into life inside of her. Now that she was looking at them, she was sure of one thing ; Edward and her had never been like that with each other. It saddened her to realize it because somewhere, in the back of her mind, she wished their relation had been similar to the two loverbirds' in front of her.
She started regretting telling Jasper not to use his power on her and suddenly, she didn't want to follow them anymore. The thought of being thrown into a large mob of students was not what she needed, and if she had eaten in the past years, she would have thrown up at the simple thought of it.
"You know what guys," she expressed. "I think I'll stay home one more day."
Rosalie got closer to her, affection and compassion shining through her eyes as she placed her hands on Livia's arms.
"We understand." she breathed.
"But I believe you need to get out, and go back to a normal life."
Livia laughed at Emmett's words and shook her head. It was so easy, for him, now that he had found Rosalie, now that he had found his other half, his soulmate.
"A normal life?" she told sarcastically. "My life is anything but normal! Our lives are anything but normal!"
"At least, don't stay inside all day long, will you?" Alice begged softly.
Livia nodded and watched them leave. She didn't tell them, but she did notice. She noticed the way Edward was, now that they were not together anymore. He seemed lighter, like some heavy pound had been taken away from his shoulders, hurting Livia even more than she already was. It was a fact, now ; she used to make his life miserable, and now, he could be free again. At some point, Edward even seemed happy, and everyone around her returned him his smile, like they were sharing some sort of secret she was not aware of. As much as she wanted to know, she never asked, scared that the truth may be even more painful, and that would be too much for her to handle. Knowing that he was better without her made her heart shatter. It was already broken into minuscule pieces, and she was actually surprised those infinitely small pieces could break again.
She waited motionless until she heard all of them leave, until she couldn't hear anything else but some bees flying around in the backyard, and wind caressing slowly the leaves of trees outside. Only then, she walked under the cloudy sky, entering the forest at a human pace. She looked at her feet as she was walking, pointing her toes with every step, like she was doing ballet. She tried to push her problems away, in the back of her head, and although it glanced back from time to time, the smell and colors of fall made her want to move. She extended her arms on her sides and closed her eyes, presenting her face to the clouds as she started spinning in circles around herself. She opened her eyes, as the shades of red, orange and yellow moved in front of her sight, added to the grey color of the sky.
She thought nothing could take her mind away from the motions she was creating, but something was heard through the trees ; like someone had stepped foot on a branch. It cracked lightly, but it seemed close enough for her to stop immediately her dance and open her ears more to the sound. She heard it well, this time. Someone was walking, coming her way, and that someone was human. The smell was delightful, remembering her she had not fed for a while. Still, some sort of obsession came over her, and it had nothing to do with the need of blood her body demanded. His scent was like nothing she had smelled before and she frowned, focusing on the place where she knew the human would appear. Maybe it was simply the fact she couldn't describe what that odor reminded her of, or maybe it was out of loneliness, but when she saw long hair, dark like the night, in front of her, all she seemed to be able to do was stare and wait until he'd notice her, too.
And he did so. Their eyes locked for more than four seconds until he actually dared to speak.
"Hey." he started. "You're a Cullen, right?"
Her face breaking into a smile, she nodded. She was a Cullen, and would always be. She was the heartbroken Cullen, the desperate one who had no reason to believe in anything, anymore. +thanks so so much Julie & Jessie.
I HEART YOU <33
+plz tell me your honest opinion <33
+Livia <33 |
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