Chapter 1
Tapping nervously her fingers on the desk, Livia looked down and pulled down her shirt with her free hand. She had no idea why this encounter actually stressed her, but she felt her heart hit against her chest. She started doubting her reasons for being there. She was not really sure about her motivation, and felt extremely bad, like she was using it to her own advantage.
Almost a year ago, her younger brother had passed away in a car accident. He was only fourteen, and somehow, Livia felt like it was her fault. If only she had taken more care of him, if only she had told him that befriending these boys was the worst idea he ever had... but instead, she kept hanging out with her friends, and flirting with Jason, the most coveted guy of the school. She could have stopped this tragedy, and if she had, her brother would still be with her.
He and his friends had found alcohol who knows how, and the oldest, Martin, who had just got his license, sat behind the wheel, completely intoxicated. Unfortunately, Thomas, her brother, was on the passenger's seat. She hated to think about it, and wished she wouldn't know as much about what happened, but she surprised a conversation between her parents and the doctor, and it seemed like her brother, who was not wearing his seat belt, had passed through the front shield. It was horrible. She was not even there when it happened, but she spent hours at night, trying to stop her imagination from showing her something probably close to the truth.
Thomas was young and crazy, who isn't at 14? It was not fair that he had to leave so quick. There are so many things he wouldn't be able to experiment, so many persons he wouldn't meet, and so much knowledge he wouldn't learn.
Grabbing the picture she always carried in her pocket, her eyes landed on a picture of him, grinning on a beautiful summer day. She could see her own image, her arm tight around him. His blond hair fell into his large flashy green eyes - the same as hers -, and he seemed happy. Happy. Livia didn't even know how it felt anymore. Thomas used to be her best friend until his teenage years, when he decided he didn't want to be nursed by his older sister. Still, they loved each other, this, Livia was sure of.
Without any shame, she let tears run free on her cheeks without even taking the time to wipe them off. At first, she had wanted to hurt those boys, those who pretended to be his friends, until she saw two of them at the funeral. And the first thing that hit her, was that these kids would have to live with this guilt forever. She couldn't let her own anger take control of her life, and although she would probably never forgive them, her anger almost disappeared, giving free space to other feelings like sadness and pain.
At some point, she wished she could switch place with him, so she wouldn't have to suffer so much, but she knew it wasn't right to hope something so horrible. The first week she passed without her brother, she would spend all her time sitting in her room. She had placed a chair in front of the window, and she looked at everyone walking in the street, going on with their lifes like the world was still the same. But it was not. It seemed colorless, almost lifeless. Everything looked black and white, old and dirty, boring and unworthy. She had tried to cry, believing it probably would make her feel better, but without success. She still couldn't believe it. It felt like he was just camping with his friends, that he'd come back, soon.The second week, though, small drops of water would invade her cheek all day long, until she'd run dry. Then, she'd fall asleep on her bed in a fetal position, exhausted.
She couldn't think of any harder obstacle to go through. There probably was, but it was very tough to believe.
The door opened and closed behind her and she wiped off her tears with a hand while the other one was quickly putting the picture back into her pocket.
"I'm sorry you had to wait." The man apologized.
He was about ten years older than her, and sent her a smile to die for.
"
Definitely good looking." she thought as he took the seat in front of her.
They were separated by a desk, but he leaned closer, his elbows laying on the wood of the furniture.
"I'm Matt." he affirmed.
"Livia." she replied, forcing a smile.
His brown hair was short cut, unlike his two days old beard. He grabbed the sheet she had previously filled with her informations and started reading her answers. Once again, Livia waited impatiently until her was done.
"Why do you want to help?"
She had left this question blank, not really sure her motivation was good enough for them. Flashbacks of different memories rushed through her brain. She could hear his laughter, see his shining eyes, smell his perfume...
Instead to reply, she simply shrugged. Matt frowned, looked down again at the paper and quickly back at her.
"In the notes, you wrote you'd rather be matched with a young boy."
She confirmed with a nod and Matt took a big breath.
"We normally match girls with girls, and boys with boys." he explained. "Unless you can give me a good reason, I'll have to follow the rule."
Big Brothers & Big Sisters was an association to help young kids and teenagers who didn't have chance in life, and were coming from a mono-parental family. Those young girls and boys who needed a significant person in their life, a role model, were matched with older ones. If Livia admitted her reason to be there, would they send her home?
An heavy silence took place in the room. Livia could hear her own breathing but she remained speechless until Matt raised his eyebrows, still staring at her,
"My brother died last year." she finally let out in one breath, looking down in shame.
Now that she had affirmed it out loud, it seemed like a very stupid reason. She was not the one who needed comfort, she had to help others, not the other way around. She was ready to get up and leave when Matt talked again.
"I understand." he expressed, nodding. "That's legit."
He opened his drawer, taking a file out and looking through the sheets. Grabbing one, he extended it to her and, her hands shaking, she took it and looked at the picture on the left corner.
"His name is Max." he informed. "His father passed away only some months ago. He's really tough to get close to. He's a real challenge."
Livia stared at the boy on the image. He was frowning, his traits seemed serious, almost angry, and there was no smile on his lips. He seemed lost and lonely, and she could relate to him so much, even only on a picture, that it scared her.
"He didn't want to come here, but his mother signed him in. She thinks he really needs it, and after meeting him, I have to say that I agree."
Livia's fingers tightened on the sheet. She wanted to meet him right now. There was something about this boy that dragged her to him. Maybe she couldn't be saved, but perhaps, she could save him.
"Okay."
