Post by Livia♥Jared on Apr 14, 2016 1:19:04 GMT -5
her: hellooe
me: hi
her: still hate me
me: as much as i love you
me: that's it?
her: I just don’t like that you hate me
me: what does it change in your life? you have other girls. you dont love me anymore. and you wont come back. you made that pretty clear.
her: it doesn’t matter? i still care what you think about me
me: why???
me: ok theres no reason for you to care about what i think of you and how i feel for you. it hurts that you come back. it hurts that you talk to me for no reason. its hurts ok. you hurt me. if you dont love me anymore, act like it.
me: dammit wtf did i ever do to you so you love hurting me so much? why the fuck couldn't you just fucking love me and date me and fucking marry me instead to just squeeze my heart in your hands and turn it into dust? WHY? its a serious question. what the fuck happened so you fucking stopped loving me?
her: you didn’t do anything?? besides being overwhelming. i told you i didn’t like that and who cares if i have other girls?
me: obvious i care that you have other girls because i love you too much to share you. forget it, you dont get it. you dont understand how i feel. at all. you never will. and youll never feel the same. because i honestly truly and really love you.
me: so i guess once again this is goodbye so bye Beth.
her: I'm sorry but like why does it bother you so much that I like other girls? Why do you wanna see me hurt so much? I've been hurt over and over, and I deserve a break. You have a girl as well, and not to mention a boyfriend. Why am I always the bad guy, Olivia? It seems like you do nothing wrong, but I can't even chat with someone else without you making it into a big deal.
me: it bothers me because you talk about all your crushes on your blog but never about me. it bothers me because when ppl ask you if you have feelings for someone you say no yet you get mad when im insecure about your love, telling me that i should trust that you love me.
how can i trust that you love me, Beth? do you even fucking love me? do you want to BE with me? because you want to date all your crushes but you dont want to date me. you dont care.
aint i good enough? like, do you even know how much i fucking love you? id do almost any-fucking-thing for you. but it doesnt seem to matter to you.
her: I would write about you if you weren't on my ass all the time. I did love you. A lot. I wanted to come visit you, and I wanted us to be together. I always felt like I couldn't do anything because you'd get so upset with me. That's why I leave. I feel trapped, stressed, overwhelmed when I'm around you. It sucks because I do love you, but when you say all those nasty things about me, it does hurt. Believe it or not, I do care what you think of me.
me: it isnt easy for me either! if im overwhelming and jealous and "on your ass" like you say, its because i can never be sure of your feelings. im always scared youll leave. im scared youll love someone else. i get hurt because you start ignoring me. im scared to lose you. again. i fucking want you, Beth. like fucking crazy. i dont remember wanting someone so bad ok. and im not talking sexually.
i know it would be different if we lived close. but we dont. if i was laying in your bed while you fucking chat with random girls it would be different. but im just an other girl behind a fucking screen and that hurts like hell.
her: You're not just another girl behind a screen. Why do you think I come back every God damn time
me: and why do you think i take you back every fucking time? why do you think i cry myself to sleep without you? why do you think i went completely insane when you said you had feelings for no one?
im fucking in love with you.
her: Just please stop making everything into a big deal. It honestly turns me off and makes me look the other way.
me: i wont make everything into a big deal if you give me attention. if you tell me you love me. if you message me. if we chat once in a while. i want you to be excited to talk to me, impatient even. the way you used to be. fuck, Beth, i want you to love me. and show me that you do. and show the fucking world.
her: Okay, well, please just don't hate me or anything. I'll try. It's the best I can do.
me: okay so... what does that mean for us... are we talking again? do we... do we have a chance?
me: sigh. it think these lyrics "you know i wanna be the one to hold you when you sleep. i just want it to be you and i forever. come on baby be with me so happily" are perfect and every time i hear the song, i think about you. (and it plays in my car on repeat). even when we werent talking. even when i was extremely pissed at you. even when i thought i lost you forever.
me: are you gonna... idk, tell me whats up with us? its stressing me :X
her:
me:
her:
me: are you sure? because you know im always here for you. do you wanna chat?
me: yea, i realized that after my last ask. sorry. did you send anons to peyton? i just want to know. i dreamed about you, btw. and... i want to know whats up with us, please? because my hopes are raising and i want to be with you, you know :/
me: i have the feeling im going too far with you. or too quick. idk. idk how to act with you. idk what im allowed to say. idk if im annoying you. idk what im allowed to expect. i think we need to have a discussion, dont you think?
me: btw, that was mean of you to fuck things up between peyton and i if you didnt even care about me. just very rude and heartless. really tho, dont do that again, please. goodbye.
me: dont fight, i dont wanna fight with you. please. i dont have peyton. she deleted. shes out. she got pissed at me. i dont wanna do "my thing". i want to be with you. just you. im sorry Beth.
me: please Beth, im begging you, lets not fight? please? i love you too much to fight with you. i know you need to live your life. i know you cant be just with me. i understand. but i want to be with you at some point. you and i. just us. together. if thats not possible then whats the point? i love you Beth. more than anything.
me: well, idk if youre going to reply to me. you havent replied to any of the msgs i sent you today except the one i asked you out so im thinking you wont. if you change your mind, you know my blog url. i hope you have fun with whoever youre dating now. goodbye, Beth.
me: Beth, please, im trying to make things right. im sorry, i say "dating" and "love" and im sorry i use the wrong words. it isnt meant to be mean. or to piss you off. and last night i waited like 45 mins before to send you an other msg. not 5. idk what you mean by "time to think". idk what you want from me. what you expect from me. i tried to find out but you wont reply to me. i just feel like im "on the side" and im confused. we can discuss without fighting, cant we? plz? :/
me: i dont get it, idk if you came back to me because you know itll eventually die down with this girl youre in too deep with. or if youre keeping there just in case. idk. honestly, are you gonna come and see me? do you think well ever be together or not?
me: since youre not replying ill just take that as a no. and if its a no then it means i need out. im sorry.
her: alright. sorry.
me: no. youre not. you dont want to be with me. and youre not gonna come and see me. and you dont think we'll end up together. youre not sorry. goodbye.
me: excuse me? youre telling ME that? do you know how fucking exhausting it is to love someone like you? to always be on the edge? to love someone who comes back and leaves as they wish? come see me Beth. tell me right in my face that you love me. maybe then i'll believe you. otherwise, all youre doing is fucking me up and making me cry by ignoring me and crushing on other girls. and when that girl you talk to starts boring you, dont come back to me unless you want to fucking date me. bye.
me: and stop fucking saying youre blocking me. i really hope you got my last msg.
---
feb 27
me: did you really block me?
her: i did but unblocked you last night
me: i miss you Beth. all the time. i know you have feelings for someone else but.. idk. losing you hurts like hell. i still want you to come here to see me. i know youre pissed at me but i dont want us to be over.
her: what do you want me to do? when you say you hate me all the time?
me: i miss you Beth. all the time. i know you have feelings for someone else but.. idk. losing you hurts like hell. i still want you to come here to see me. i know youre pissed at me but i dont want us to be over.
her: what do you want me to do? when you say you hate me all the time?
me: come on, you l know i love you. just show me you love me. dammit. you said i was not just an other girl behind a screen. do you think we'll end up together?
her: what do you want me to say? i can’t get into anything right now. i can’t hurt you anymore because that’s all i do.
me: is it because youre falling for that other girl?
her: i’m honestly falling for nobody
me: do you... do you still love me?
her: there are somedays where i do love you, but there are somedays i don’t.
me: sigh. im not an idiot insecure pathetic bitch irl. irl im exactly like i was when we first started talking. the same way i was this summer. which is probably the part you love. do you still want to come and meet me?
me: i can handle the truth you know. if you changed your mind about coming to see me, i wont throw a tantrum. and if you don't believe well ever end up together you can also tell me.
her: I don’t wanna see you. But I’m not gonna go and see anyone. I’m putting the money up for something else. Been treating myself with things, so yeah/
me: its good that youre treating yourself. so you dont wanna see me... does that mean we're really over? i need to know.
her: i don’t know. it really doesn’t mean anything since i don’t wanna see you right now
me: im sorry i made you not want to see me. mea culpa on that. i'll never say it enough. I love you Beth. everyone knows that. everyone. but if you dont want to see me or hear from me... ill respect that. just tell me and i'll stop messaging you. because i dont want you to dislike me even more than you already do.
me: just... think about it. but please message me when you decide? its tough to be on the edge. and im so scared to lose you. so please dont make me wait too long? i love you Beth. i most likely always will.
me: hi
her: still hate me
me: as much as i love you
me: that's it?
her: I just don’t like that you hate me
me: what does it change in your life? you have other girls. you dont love me anymore. and you wont come back. you made that pretty clear.
her: it doesn’t matter? i still care what you think about me
me: why???
me: ok theres no reason for you to care about what i think of you and how i feel for you. it hurts that you come back. it hurts that you talk to me for no reason. its hurts ok. you hurt me. if you dont love me anymore, act like it.
me: dammit wtf did i ever do to you so you love hurting me so much? why the fuck couldn't you just fucking love me and date me and fucking marry me instead to just squeeze my heart in your hands and turn it into dust? WHY? its a serious question. what the fuck happened so you fucking stopped loving me?
her: you didn’t do anything?? besides being overwhelming. i told you i didn’t like that and who cares if i have other girls?
me: obvious i care that you have other girls because i love you too much to share you. forget it, you dont get it. you dont understand how i feel. at all. you never will. and youll never feel the same. because i honestly truly and really love you.
me: so i guess once again this is goodbye so bye Beth.
her: I'm sorry but like why does it bother you so much that I like other girls? Why do you wanna see me hurt so much? I've been hurt over and over, and I deserve a break. You have a girl as well, and not to mention a boyfriend. Why am I always the bad guy, Olivia? It seems like you do nothing wrong, but I can't even chat with someone else without you making it into a big deal.
me: it bothers me because you talk about all your crushes on your blog but never about me. it bothers me because when ppl ask you if you have feelings for someone you say no yet you get mad when im insecure about your love, telling me that i should trust that you love me.
how can i trust that you love me, Beth? do you even fucking love me? do you want to BE with me? because you want to date all your crushes but you dont want to date me. you dont care.
aint i good enough? like, do you even know how much i fucking love you? id do almost any-fucking-thing for you. but it doesnt seem to matter to you.
her: I would write about you if you weren't on my ass all the time. I did love you. A lot. I wanted to come visit you, and I wanted us to be together. I always felt like I couldn't do anything because you'd get so upset with me. That's why I leave. I feel trapped, stressed, overwhelmed when I'm around you. It sucks because I do love you, but when you say all those nasty things about me, it does hurt. Believe it or not, I do care what you think of me.
me: it isnt easy for me either! if im overwhelming and jealous and "on your ass" like you say, its because i can never be sure of your feelings. im always scared youll leave. im scared youll love someone else. i get hurt because you start ignoring me. im scared to lose you. again. i fucking want you, Beth. like fucking crazy. i dont remember wanting someone so bad ok. and im not talking sexually.
i know it would be different if we lived close. but we dont. if i was laying in your bed while you fucking chat with random girls it would be different. but im just an other girl behind a fucking screen and that hurts like hell.
her: You're not just another girl behind a screen. Why do you think I come back every God damn time
me: and why do you think i take you back every fucking time? why do you think i cry myself to sleep without you? why do you think i went completely insane when you said you had feelings for no one?
im fucking in love with you.
her: Just please stop making everything into a big deal. It honestly turns me off and makes me look the other way.
me: i wont make everything into a big deal if you give me attention. if you tell me you love me. if you message me. if we chat once in a while. i want you to be excited to talk to me, impatient even. the way you used to be. fuck, Beth, i want you to love me. and show me that you do. and show the fucking world.
her: Okay, well, please just don't hate me or anything. I'll try. It's the best I can do.
me: okay so... what does that mean for us... are we talking again? do we... do we have a chance?
me: sigh. it think these lyrics "you know i wanna be the one to hold you when you sleep. i just want it to be you and i forever. come on baby be with me so happily" are perfect and every time i hear the song, i think about you. (and it plays in my car on repeat). even when we werent talking. even when i was extremely pissed at you. even when i thought i lost you forever.
me: are you gonna... idk, tell me whats up with us? its stressing me :X
her:
me:
her:
me: are you sure? because you know im always here for you. do you wanna chat?
me: yea, i realized that after my last ask. sorry. did you send anons to peyton? i just want to know. i dreamed about you, btw. and... i want to know whats up with us, please? because my hopes are raising and i want to be with you, you know :/
me: i have the feeling im going too far with you. or too quick. idk. idk how to act with you. idk what im allowed to say. idk if im annoying you. idk what im allowed to expect. i think we need to have a discussion, dont you think?
me: btw, that was mean of you to fuck things up between peyton and i if you didnt even care about me. just very rude and heartless. really tho, dont do that again, please. goodbye.
me: dont fight, i dont wanna fight with you. please. i dont have peyton. she deleted. shes out. she got pissed at me. i dont wanna do "my thing". i want to be with you. just you. im sorry Beth.
me: please Beth, im begging you, lets not fight? please? i love you too much to fight with you. i know you need to live your life. i know you cant be just with me. i understand. but i want to be with you at some point. you and i. just us. together. if thats not possible then whats the point? i love you Beth. more than anything.
me: well, idk if youre going to reply to me. you havent replied to any of the msgs i sent you today except the one i asked you out so im thinking you wont. if you change your mind, you know my blog url. i hope you have fun with whoever youre dating now. goodbye, Beth.
me: Beth, please, im trying to make things right. im sorry, i say "dating" and "love" and im sorry i use the wrong words. it isnt meant to be mean. or to piss you off. and last night i waited like 45 mins before to send you an other msg. not 5. idk what you mean by "time to think". idk what you want from me. what you expect from me. i tried to find out but you wont reply to me. i just feel like im "on the side" and im confused. we can discuss without fighting, cant we? plz? :/
me: i dont get it, idk if you came back to me because you know itll eventually die down with this girl youre in too deep with. or if youre keeping there just in case. idk. honestly, are you gonna come and see me? do you think well ever be together or not?
me: since youre not replying ill just take that as a no. and if its a no then it means i need out. im sorry.
her: alright. sorry.
me: no. youre not. you dont want to be with me. and youre not gonna come and see me. and you dont think we'll end up together. youre not sorry. goodbye.
me: excuse me? youre telling ME that? do you know how fucking exhausting it is to love someone like you? to always be on the edge? to love someone who comes back and leaves as they wish? come see me Beth. tell me right in my face that you love me. maybe then i'll believe you. otherwise, all youre doing is fucking me up and making me cry by ignoring me and crushing on other girls. and when that girl you talk to starts boring you, dont come back to me unless you want to fucking date me. bye.
me: and stop fucking saying youre blocking me. i really hope you got my last msg.
---
feb 27
me: did you really block me?
her: i did but unblocked you last night
me: i miss you Beth. all the time. i know you have feelings for someone else but.. idk. losing you hurts like hell. i still want you to come here to see me. i know youre pissed at me but i dont want us to be over.
her: what do you want me to do? when you say you hate me all the time?
me: i miss you Beth. all the time. i know you have feelings for someone else but.. idk. losing you hurts like hell. i still want you to come here to see me. i know youre pissed at me but i dont want us to be over.
her: what do you want me to do? when you say you hate me all the time?
me: come on, you l know i love you. just show me you love me. dammit. you said i was not just an other girl behind a screen. do you think we'll end up together?
her: what do you want me to say? i can’t get into anything right now. i can’t hurt you anymore because that’s all i do.
me: is it because youre falling for that other girl?
her: i’m honestly falling for nobody
me: do you... do you still love me?
her: there are somedays where i do love you, but there are somedays i don’t.
me: sigh. im not an idiot insecure pathetic bitch irl. irl im exactly like i was when we first started talking. the same way i was this summer. which is probably the part you love. do you still want to come and meet me?
me: i can handle the truth you know. if you changed your mind about coming to see me, i wont throw a tantrum. and if you don't believe well ever end up together you can also tell me.
her: I don’t wanna see you. But I’m not gonna go and see anyone. I’m putting the money up for something else. Been treating myself with things, so yeah/
me: its good that youre treating yourself. so you dont wanna see me... does that mean we're really over? i need to know.
her: i don’t know. it really doesn’t mean anything since i don’t wanna see you right now
me: im sorry i made you not want to see me. mea culpa on that. i'll never say it enough. I love you Beth. everyone knows that. everyone. but if you dont want to see me or hear from me... ill respect that. just tell me and i'll stop messaging you. because i dont want you to dislike me even more than you already do.
me: just... think about it. but please message me when you decide? its tough to be on the edge. and im so scared to lose you. so please dont make me wait too long? i love you Beth. i most likely always will.
